In case you do not know, I have been sick like hell lately. I am not talking about the constant fever and migranes running left to right of my head. It is the coughs that really worried me, because they fucking hurts. Also, periods after microsuction of excess air is always dangerous to infections and such. It is a difficult time.
But there were several things I realized along the way. It is like enlightenment, only attained after lot of work, where one person has to go inside out and work out all the obstacles. For me, it was the lack of air that makes me fall into a constant state of being high. Man that felt good, just like taking a hit on the Nitrogen lol.
Due to the lack of oxygen in my blood ( which is due to shortness of breath), I have been sleeping a lot lately. Well, not exactly sleeping, it is more like passing out half way, yet can not wake up fully. And the dreams I have had, they were amazing, some of which I actually remembered and able to write down, as follow.
1. The restaurant of the past:
My dream started inside the sushi bar counter. I was wearing my usual Shishi Chef gown of pure white, with my long hair tidied in the back into a single pony tail, and a white hat that makes me look like a sailor too. Beneath my feet was the platform shoes , strange how it never hurt me even though I had to stand over 12 hours every working day. In my hand was the praised $840 Blue Steel Shishi Knife, custom made and blessed by some famed guy in Japan, handed over to me by my master, who was standing next to me, with his eyes lazily scanning the customers. There were kids coming to the sushi bar, smiling and arguing about what they would order. As usual, my partner just go back to his chair and sit that one out. As usual, I am the only person controlling the flow of sushi in that place. Hot teas brought out for the young customers. Green teas with fumes so white and dreamy. Smelling of freshness and summer, tea leaves and spring waters. As they ordered, I find myself going to the freezer to the back to refill some material that were missing in the glass closets. I was standing inside the huge freezer, when the cold hits me and I am awoken.
I miss being inside a restaurant. I miss being a chef. I miss bringing smiles to the customers. I miss cooking.
2. I was in love with a Cameriera:
Italian for waitress in short. I was there, at my favorite risoranta. And there she was, smiling to a table next to me and introduced some white whine as taste refreshener. And that is that. Nothing special ever happened, neither in reality or in the dreams I had. She never waited at my table, astronomical odd it was as I came to that restaurant every week. The only time I ever talked to her is when I was introduced to a chef in the cucina, she said excusi, and I foolishly answered, si,va bene. That was embarassing.
Then one day she quit, and that was also the last day I ever dined there. Never found out what her name was, or where she headed to. Dreams just stayed at that stage, where I see her at the next table, and smiling that professional smiles.
3.I was at the beach shore:
With no one around. The sun slowly climbing up and yet never fully raised. The moment seemed to last forever. I just sat there, listening to the waves and melancholy thought about the past. I was waitint for that person to come to me and tell me to go home. Yet she never came. I know she is on her way to happiness now. But I can not help to think of her whenever I am so absolutely lonely. The dream reminded how lonesome I was in this country, where I could not talk about my feelings to anyone but her. I hate it. I hate that sub concious of me who is constantly calling for her.
I had many other dreams as well. But…
One thing I concreatly realized that there is a conclusion to a feeling I had lately. It is over, I no longer feel that deep sadness when she is with another man. I feel happy to hear her talk about something she does not normally share with other people. I am happy waiting for the day of her departure. Setting me free for other adventures. Be on your way dear, and think back to these days as summer love.
Sleep my life away